Over the past few months, I’ve had a lot of conversations with people over coffee or via social media on what we do at Better Angels. Some think we’re gong down the wrong track?”
- “How can you suggest we find common ground with people who believe this, this, & this?”
- How can you suggest we find common ground with people who are so evil! So ignorant! So unpatriotic!”
In a profound Twitter post, my Better Angels friend John Wood Jr. @johnrwoodjr gave the best answer I’ve heard:
“…is not presumably on the brink of being uninhabitable. If two people trying to fix a car however are shouting at each other over how to do it, and neither is listening, will it make a difference if one has the right answer or not? The answer is no. Conversation matters.”
Whether you’re involved in a negotiation between labor and management, a marital crisis, or a political disagreement, with communication there are possibilities. When the communication stops, the possibilities vanish. Is not endorsement.
The same is true with empathy. In a Ted Talk, Dylan Morran suggested that empathy is not endorsement. You can empathize with someone without compromising your own deeply held beliefs. Empathy is not endorsement; it acknowledges the humanity of some who was raised with beliefs different from yours.
So how do you do this in real life? I believe all of us need a generous amount of humility which will allow for the needed communication and empathy. In my experience, rather than a sign of weakness, humility a sign of strength. The most humble people in my life, starting with my dad have been the strongest. Born in the 1920s, Dad helped his family survive the Great Depression, answered when his country called, and got up every morning, good day or bad to make sure his family was taken care of. No hype, no fan- fare, no bravado just duty, loyalty, & HUMILITY.
Just like the car John refers to, there are some things in country that need to be fixed. Would it be more productive to keep shouting at each other or could we just get on with the business of making things better?
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.
C. S. Lewis
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