Are you traveling for Thanksgiving dinner? As it gets closer are nervous about that one relative who’s over the top on their political views? This past Sunday I participated in a skills workshop that was put on by Better Angels and hosted by Twin Towers United Methodist Church.
Twenty two people attended, a mixture of liberals and conservatives from all parts of the political spectrum. While for most of us were talking about a Holiday event that would take place on one afternoon or evening, others were anxious because they were going to spend an extended period of time or a vacation with someone with whom they disagree. Our facilitator, Leslie navigated through three drills, we were paired up with a partner. The exercises involved listening and speaking skills. The leading take home advice was to approach conversations and people with respect and a willingness to learn rather than a cross-examination. For me, this is actually liberating. It helped me realize that it’s not necessary for me to win an argument. I can actually enjoy the gathering without the pressure of having to prove myself right on all of the issues.
The Better Angels workshop was a productive 2 ½ hour session that led me to look further into this subject. It led me to two articles that I highly recommend. The first, by Krista Tippett titled “Generous Listening and Asking the Right Questions.” Tippet talks about a vulnerability, willingness to be surprised, and letting go of assumptions. I believe that generous listening opens the door to actually growing from the conversation rather than winning or losing an argument.
https://fs.blog/2017/01/krista-tippett-listening-questions/
The second is by Olga Khazan, “Why Families Fight During the Holidays.” Khazen cited a theory that Sigmund Freud called “The Narcissism of Small Differences.” We may have so much in common with a relative and then find ourselves polarized on a political or social issue. We’re shocked that blood relatives from the same branch of our family tree see issues so differently. We’re shocked that our favorite sibling who loves us married someone who looks at the world so differently.
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/why-families-fight-during-holidays/282584/
My passion for helping people find common ground led me to joining Better Angels, a national organization that was formed in 2016 with the goal of de-polarizing America. I encourage you to take a look at their website, www.better-angels.org. If you like what you see, please get involved, there’s a place to join. Also, please enjoy your Thanksgiving. There are parades to watch. There are football to watch, and footballs to throw. There’s great food to eat and above all, family and friends to love. There are also wondrful organizations helping the less fortunate who would welcome our generousity. Please celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving, and let’s keep searching for that common ground.
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